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Thursday, August 21
Trust.....
that's a true test of faith.....at least in this moment in time.....however, test or not, we trust. I trust. She trusts. He trusts.
Today, or yesterday should I say (since it is 2:40 in the morning on Thursday and I can't sleep), was the absolutely hardest day of our lives as parents, as Christians, and as husband and wife. We were faced with decisions that we had no idea we were going to be faced with.....
Grab some kleenexes.....
Abraham believed God....
Abraham's faith reposed in God Himself. He knew the God he was dealing with. It was a personal confidence in One whom he could utterly trust. The real secret of Abraham's whole life was in his friendship with God. He knew God to be his great, good and faithful Friend. Taking Him at His word, he stepped out from all that he knew and loved and went forth upon an unknown pathway with none but God. In addition to trusting in the Word of God, we have learned to lean our whole weight upon God, the God of infinite love and power, our covenant God and everlasting Friend. We are told that Abraham glorified God by this life of faith. The truest way to glorify God is to let the world see what He is and what He can do. God does not so much want us to do things as to let people see what He can do. God is not looking for extraordinary characters as His instruments, but He is looking for humble instruments through whom He can be honored throughout the ages. (sermonindex.net)
These are the words that come to mind right now. God knows the meaning of every tear that falls upon my face tonight, in the days past and in the days to come.....He is my friend and I hold Him to His word, to be my strength, my comforter, my helper, my joy......
....what a special and unique child God created when He gave us each of our children. Each with their own strengths and challenges....
....today we met with several members of Raeliegh's team (which consists of doctors, case manager, therapist, support members, etc). we met yesterday too. we spoke on the phone everyday for many days prior to that.
...many nights of prayer, many standing in prayer for her, for us as a family and for Tim and I.
...after a day of team meetings, doctor visits and at last a visit with the MH staff, a decision was made...
...so we gathered our clothes, made arrangements for all the other children...made afew other quick stops before heading north out of town....
...she was so tired and had every right to be...already been thru so much that doesn't make much sense to her already....
...she's only eight....just a couple of weeks over turning eight to be exact...she is so proud that this year her birthday landed on 08-08-08 and she turned 8 yrs old...
...we prayed on our way to the hospital...we called out to the dear prayer warriors who have faithfully lifted our family up every day and night...
...I knew in the back of my mind there was a "chance, " a slight chance I tried to convince myself, that they wouldn't for some reason not allow us to stay....
...in my mind I had it all figured out....I was going to stay with her no matter what....they can't make me leave...I am NOT leaving her there by herself...
...it's raining and it's cold as we tried figure out how to get into the building at 11:30 at night, they knew we were coming, but how do we let them know we are here....
...after waking Raeliegh, a walk around the hospital, hitching a ride from the hospital police, and quick phone call we were in the building....
...the lady on the other end of the phone knew who I was and said they had been expecting us..."I'll be right down to get you and bring you up here to get settled in, " she said...
...they didn't spare any time at all, getting her weight, height, and new bandaid because her's had come off one of her boo boos on her foot...."Come sit over here and we'll fill out the paper work. She'll be ok. We'll take her to her room so she can sleep. Do you want to tell her goodnight?"
...it didn't sink in...sign here, this one is for treatment, this one for insurance, this one for medication....and this one is our procedures....then it hit me.....
...I lost it....the words were written on the page before me...."Visitation hours 6 pm - 8 pm" " You may call at any time during the day"....I lost it....
...I lost my trust, I lost my confidence, I lost my faith...for a moment in time I forgot why we were doing this, how could we do this, this is my child and.....
...I became so selfish to think of me. It wasn't about the help Raeliegh would recieve, it wasn't about anything but that I can't stay with her....
...Tim held me and I cried out loud....she was asleep by now...probably even oblivous to where we were or that we wouldn't be staying with her...all she knew was that we were going to see new doctors who would be able to help her....
...my heart broke....and I cried as I finished signing the rest of the papers and permissions...
...and then I thought of Abraham....and granted my situation is much different than his and his child, but I feel my heart breaking and can only imagine how his was feeling as he was ready to offer his son to the Lord...and in a way I was offering her to the LORD, after all we had prayed so diligently for answers, for the right doctors, for the right treatment...and today we got some of those answers...we were to be here...she needed to be here...and we were placing our trust in these people, this hospital, we placed our child in their hands....
...I believe God is STILL in control,
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
...even though the tears fall...I know that I know that I know....He is our ROCK, He is our STRENGTH...
...He gives me hope, He knows our future...He is holding her close tonight and will do so every night that I can't be there to do it for her....
...you see we went in to tell her goodnight, to kiss her and tell her we love her and would see her in the morning....
...Tim prayed over her and I gently kissed her forhead as I bowed my own head to pray...her eyes fluttered..."I love you Raeliegh. You get some rest, we'll see you tomorrow..."
"You leaving mommy?"
"Yes sweetie, but we'll see you tomorrow...promise!"
..."ok" ...her eyes closed and she was back to sleep....
my tears fell harder and more than ever as we walked out of her room, down the hall, thru the door that led us outside....
...the nurse said "You're doing the right thing mom and dad. It is often harder on the parents than it is on the kids. We'll take good care of her. Get some rest and we'll see you tomorrow."
...and that was it...we drove away to our hotel...
...for a brief moment in time I lost it....but I have it back...I trust. I believe. I KNOW. He is STILL in charge....
Raeliegh sleeping on the way to KU MedCenter.....exhausted....
Today, or yesterday should I say (since it is 2:40 in the morning on Thursday and I can't sleep), was the absolutely hardest day of our lives as parents, as Christians, and as husband and wife. We were faced with decisions that we had no idea we were going to be faced with.....
Grab some kleenexes.....
Abraham believed God....
Abraham's faith reposed in God Himself. He knew the God he was dealing with. It was a personal confidence in One whom he could utterly trust. The real secret of Abraham's whole life was in his friendship with God. He knew God to be his great, good and faithful Friend. Taking Him at His word, he stepped out from all that he knew and loved and went forth upon an unknown pathway with none but God. In addition to trusting in the Word of God, we have learned to lean our whole weight upon God, the God of infinite love and power, our covenant God and everlasting Friend. We are told that Abraham glorified God by this life of faith. The truest way to glorify God is to let the world see what He is and what He can do. God does not so much want us to do things as to let people see what He can do. God is not looking for extraordinary characters as His instruments, but He is looking for humble instruments through whom He can be honored throughout the ages. (sermonindex.net)
These are the words that come to mind right now. God knows the meaning of every tear that falls upon my face tonight, in the days past and in the days to come.....He is my friend and I hold Him to His word, to be my strength, my comforter, my helper, my joy......
....what a special and unique child God created when He gave us each of our children. Each with their own strengths and challenges....
....today we met with several members of Raeliegh's team (which consists of doctors, case manager, therapist, support members, etc). we met yesterday too. we spoke on the phone everyday for many days prior to that.
...many nights of prayer, many standing in prayer for her, for us as a family and for Tim and I.
...after a day of team meetings, doctor visits and at last a visit with the MH staff, a decision was made...
...so we gathered our clothes, made arrangements for all the other children...made afew other quick stops before heading north out of town....
...she was so tired and had every right to be...already been thru so much that doesn't make much sense to her already....
...she's only eight....just a couple of weeks over turning eight to be exact...she is so proud that this year her birthday landed on 08-08-08 and she turned 8 yrs old...
...we prayed on our way to the hospital...we called out to the dear prayer warriors who have faithfully lifted our family up every day and night...
...I knew in the back of my mind there was a "chance, " a slight chance I tried to convince myself, that they wouldn't for some reason not allow us to stay....
...in my mind I had it all figured out....I was going to stay with her no matter what....they can't make me leave...I am NOT leaving her there by herself...
...it's raining and it's cold as we tried figure out how to get into the building at 11:30 at night, they knew we were coming, but how do we let them know we are here....
...after waking Raeliegh, a walk around the hospital, hitching a ride from the hospital police, and quick phone call we were in the building....
...the lady on the other end of the phone knew who I was and said they had been expecting us..."I'll be right down to get you and bring you up here to get settled in, " she said...
...they didn't spare any time at all, getting her weight, height, and new bandaid because her's had come off one of her boo boos on her foot...."Come sit over here and we'll fill out the paper work. She'll be ok. We'll take her to her room so she can sleep. Do you want to tell her goodnight?"
...it didn't sink in...sign here, this one is for treatment, this one for insurance, this one for medication....and this one is our procedures....then it hit me.....
...I lost it....the words were written on the page before me...."Visitation hours 6 pm - 8 pm" " You may call at any time during the day"....I lost it....
...I lost my trust, I lost my confidence, I lost my faith...for a moment in time I forgot why we were doing this, how could we do this, this is my child and.....
...I became so selfish to think of me. It wasn't about the help Raeliegh would recieve, it wasn't about anything but that I can't stay with her....
...Tim held me and I cried out loud....she was asleep by now...probably even oblivous to where we were or that we wouldn't be staying with her...all she knew was that we were going to see new doctors who would be able to help her....
...my heart broke....and I cried as I finished signing the rest of the papers and permissions...
...and then I thought of Abraham....and granted my situation is much different than his and his child, but I feel my heart breaking and can only imagine how his was feeling as he was ready to offer his son to the Lord...and in a way I was offering her to the LORD, after all we had prayed so diligently for answers, for the right doctors, for the right treatment...and today we got some of those answers...we were to be here...she needed to be here...and we were placing our trust in these people, this hospital, we placed our child in their hands....
...I believe God is STILL in control,
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
...even though the tears fall...I know that I know that I know....He is our ROCK, He is our STRENGTH...
...He gives me hope, He knows our future...He is holding her close tonight and will do so every night that I can't be there to do it for her....
...you see we went in to tell her goodnight, to kiss her and tell her we love her and would see her in the morning....
...Tim prayed over her and I gently kissed her forhead as I bowed my own head to pray...her eyes fluttered..."I love you Raeliegh. You get some rest, we'll see you tomorrow..."
"You leaving mommy?"
"Yes sweetie, but we'll see you tomorrow...promise!"
..."ok" ...her eyes closed and she was back to sleep....
my tears fell harder and more than ever as we walked out of her room, down the hall, thru the door that led us outside....
...the nurse said "You're doing the right thing mom and dad. It is often harder on the parents than it is on the kids. We'll take good care of her. Get some rest and we'll see you tomorrow."
...and that was it...we drove away to our hotel...
...for a brief moment in time I lost it....but I have it back...I trust. I believe. I KNOW. He is STILL in charge....
Raeliegh sleeping on the way to KU MedCenter.....exhausted....
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1 comment:
God Bless and be with you and your family now and always. Continue in Faith and HE will see you through. If He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it! My family and I will be praying with and for you and yours....
From our home to yours, God Bless, Pam Dodson
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